The weeks leading up to and following September 11th, marking the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on 9-11-01, and also the due date of our baby were hard. Not only was my heart hurting for the family of those lost on 9/11 and my mind kept going back to my classroom at TFA where I heard the news from a teammate and turned on the television to see the second plane... but my heart was and honestly, still is recovering from losing another baby. If you aren't sure where I'm coming from, you can read here for a little background knowledge.
In reality, the seven months leading up to this date had many hard days in them. It has been a little over a year now that we found out we were expecting... our seventh pregnancy. Seven pregnancies in seven years. Seven babies. Three here on earth. Four with our Lord. It's a lot to swallow. When I wrote about this fourth miscarriage a couple of days after the D&C, physically, things seemed to be going okay. As it turns out, this was the hardest one on my body physically. Emotionally, I believe it has been the hardest. I had "down" days for weeks at a time, this moved to a couple of days a week, to one day a week, to one day a month, where I would just cry. One day Woody asked me if I was in a dark place, and thankfully by God's grace, I could answer with a confident no. I was just. really. sad.
A good friend recommended a book to me, that though was emotionally hard for me to read through at times... (it's hard to read when your eyes are full of tears!), it was such a rich source of encouragement, that I didn't want to put it down. The book was One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. If you have not read this book or if you're not familiar with Ann Voskamp, I would highly recommend getting familiar with both! Ann writes a blog, A Holy Experience, (I have it linked on my sidebar) that provides daily encouragement and grace to its readers, no matter who you are or where you are in life. As I read through One Thousand Gifts and realized that giving thanks to God in all aspects of life, even the very smallest of things, brings joy, I began writing these "gifts" down. It seemed silly at first, making this list, but as time went on, God used it and continues to use it to bring about joy and thankfulness in my life and to heal my heart.
I have been writing these gifts down for about 10 months now, and have not been consistent with it by any means, so I was elated to see this Joy Dare on Ann Voskamp's blog back at the beginning of the year! Count 1000 gifts in 2012. Make a habit of taking joy, just 3 gifts a day. And no, it's not too late to start-I dare you, take the Joy Dare!
The Lord used the following excerpt from One Thousand Gifts to minister to me during the first few weeks and months after losing our fourth little one...
"What will I believe is greater today? My problems? Or God's provisions? What this moment holds is always His provision and He never leaves nor forsakes.
Because this is it:
The needs of our day are great but our God is greater and we call Him Providence because we believe: He is the One who always provides.
And when God provides, He should be praised and if God always provides, shouldn't praise always be on the lips?
We are the people provided for and praise is our song. God has made provision. So we will make praise.
I have everything I need. Not what I think I need. But what He knows I need. I can trust His love. I can trust what He gives. I can trust His provision of this moment."
In reality, the seven months leading up to this date had many hard days in them. It has been a little over a year now that we found out we were expecting... our seventh pregnancy. Seven pregnancies in seven years. Seven babies. Three here on earth. Four with our Lord. It's a lot to swallow. When I wrote about this fourth miscarriage a couple of days after the D&C, physically, things seemed to be going okay. As it turns out, this was the hardest one on my body physically. Emotionally, I believe it has been the hardest. I had "down" days for weeks at a time, this moved to a couple of days a week, to one day a week, to one day a month, where I would just cry. One day Woody asked me if I was in a dark place, and thankfully by God's grace, I could answer with a confident no. I was just. really. sad.
A good friend recommended a book to me, that though was emotionally hard for me to read through at times... (it's hard to read when your eyes are full of tears!), it was such a rich source of encouragement, that I didn't want to put it down. The book was One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. If you have not read this book or if you're not familiar with Ann Voskamp, I would highly recommend getting familiar with both! Ann writes a blog, A Holy Experience, (I have it linked on my sidebar) that provides daily encouragement and grace to its readers, no matter who you are or where you are in life. As I read through One Thousand Gifts and realized that giving thanks to God in all aspects of life, even the very smallest of things, brings joy, I began writing these "gifts" down. It seemed silly at first, making this list, but as time went on, God used it and continues to use it to bring about joy and thankfulness in my life and to heal my heart.
I have been writing these gifts down for about 10 months now, and have not been consistent with it by any means, so I was elated to see this Joy Dare on Ann Voskamp's blog back at the beginning of the year! Count 1000 gifts in 2012. Make a habit of taking joy, just 3 gifts a day. And no, it's not too late to start-I dare you, take the Joy Dare!
The Lord used the following excerpt from One Thousand Gifts to minister to me during the first few weeks and months after losing our fourth little one...
"What will I believe is greater today? My problems? Or God's provisions? What this moment holds is always His provision and He never leaves nor forsakes.
Because this is it:
The needs of our day are great but our God is greater and we call Him Providence because we believe: He is the One who always provides.
And when God provides, He should be praised and if God always provides, shouldn't praise always be on the lips?
We are the people provided for and praise is our song. God has made provision. So we will make praise.
I have everything I need. Not what I think I need. But what He knows I need. I can trust His love. I can trust what He gives. I can trust His provision of this moment."
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